just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
