'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
