never play flip cup with pint glasses
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
