dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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