Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
