and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
