Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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