you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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