I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
