I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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