i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
