it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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