I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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