when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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