If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
