dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
