we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
