No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
