I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
