very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
