I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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