I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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