Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
