I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
