in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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