There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
