i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
