She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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