everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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