I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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