Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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