Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
