We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
