im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
