I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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