Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
