dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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