I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
