there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
