I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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