i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
