At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
