New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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