So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize