why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
