now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
