the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
These tits shall not be calmed
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You left your phone here
Wait...
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