The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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