I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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