...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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