Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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