I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
