dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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