So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL