how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.