if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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