My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist