i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.