just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.