No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
