What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're like the curious george of whores
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
