i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
