You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
